Scones and Marriage

As I have mentioned before, I help to hold library hours on Wednesday mornings- during that time, the library is open and we provide coffee, tea, and baked goods for anyone who comes to visit. Oh- books too, if any one is interested. During the ten week period this winter that my advisor is in Rhode Island and Florida, I will be holding down the fort by myself, along with anyone I can get to volunteer to bake.

Last year this was easy: a batch of scones, a batch of lemon curd; biscotti if I woke really early on the ambitious side of the bed. Last year the island had more people, but fewer crews of construction workers. The crews are prompt, and show up at precisely 9:30. On Wednesday, I made a double batch of scones (one batch ginger, one batch cranberry), and they were almost all gone by 9:54. A polite group, they donated money to the cause and asked for seconds, rather than just taking. Sadly, given the time (early yet) and what was left (almost nothing), I had to ration (horrors!).

The addition of ginger was a new twist to the scone recipe. Normally we have two different baked items- one from my advisor, and one from me; while I was not up to making two completely separate recipes, I did still want to provide two flavors. Working with what I had, crystalized ginger seemed the best option. I bake with cranberries a lot, and I enjoy how they give you a nice little kick in the teeth, so I was worrying ginger might be too subtle. I will never worry again. The basic recipe has lemon zest in it, and the lemon paired with the ginger was pretty heavenly- flavorful and elegant.

Which is why one of the workers asked me "Morgan, are you married?"

Since he implied rather than proposed outright, I will consider this my 2.5th proposal. The first proposal came in a London pub when I was seventeen: I turned it down because it was delivered by proxy. The second was on the street in Portland, issued by a big tattooed man among big tattooed men with motorcycles. I blushed and said, "but you don't even know my name!" To which he responded "but I know I love you!" I warmly thanked him for his interest and moved on.

To the construction worker, I responded "No, I am not married, and it's a strenuous application process."

Which does rather beg the question, "well, what is the process?"

I spent a lot of time looking at colleges, and I think it shows.

-Copy of school records, k-12. Attendence awards, or detentions...which makes a better candidate? I'm not saying.

-College Transcript, official copy. If no formal secondary education, I accept written essays on why one opted out of formal secondary education. If illiterate or verging on it, I accept exceedingly well drawn and imaginative cartoon explanations.

-Six letters of recommendation. One must be from candidate's mother.

-Personal essays:
1.) Why me? The flattery should be well-crafted and show attention to detail.
2.) What are your skills and qualifications for domestic partnership?
3.) Philosophy of marriage. Must address the the Children Issue; the wise will also address negotiating chores in a two-income household.

While we would like to claim admission is blind, we will not. Include photos. Video is acceptable.

If a candidate's application makes it through the initial review board (myself and my closest friends), interviews will be scheduled: the first round will require that the candidate's three best friends meet with me (proof of friendship must be provided- follow US immigration procedure for proof of relationship for marriage).

If that round is successful, the candidate will be invited to an interview on-island. This will be a tripartite interview, consisting of a morning at library hours, an afternoon hiking with me, and an evening drinking with the my honorary island family.

If the island interview is successful, the candidate will go on to interview with numerous members of my family, and will have to take a final exam on how they are all related to me. This will take the form of drawing the family tree; and no, the framework will not be provided.

Application fees are on a sliding scale.
The admission process is subject to change.