Sea Change

Yesterday in the store I was accused of "not being around much." The day before that, someone had commented "so you're back for a couple of days?"

Harsh words indeed!

But fair, entirely fair. I have gone to ground here, in a period of intense transition. New job, new housemates, new cats, new relationship, new role in the community. No longer am I a Fellow, with defined projects and the understanding that I show at every public event. Now I am just a resident. Now I have to choose the projects and make the meaning of my life.

So I have been around. Quite literally, I have been around the island's loop of a roads multiple times, making my way on a thick-wheeled scooter. I have wandered in the woods, have holed up in my house. But no. I have not been as visible as once I was. Less walking to the post office and store, on view to the other islanders. Library hours are still held on the accustomed Wednesdays, but I work off-island those days. In fact, probably people mostly see me at the town landing, getting on or off the mailboat. Always in transit.

The community I spend the most time with now is my family, when I am off-island on overnights due to my work schedule. And even then, I am a little vacant.

This October, I have been off-kilter. Not particularly present. Here it is the 18th, and this is the first post I have written, indeed the first thing I have written (beyond email) for ages. Guiltily, I must confess my absence more or less coincides with Dave's. I made it through two years here with no best friend, but now that I have one and he is away, I've gone dormant. Not that life is without its little solaces, but oh, I seem to miss my crankiest crony. Nothing seems profitable when I can't twist it about in words to make him laugh. Likewise, what day is a good one when I can't walk up to him with my customary demand "tell me stories!"

To this sorry state of affairs, I say humbug. All you people out there who eat swordfish had better REALLY enjoy it.